As I’ve established in the past, I’m not above lying to avoid awful children’s television. For me, the Power Rangers definitely fall into this category. When I was a tween,  my friend Jill and I would watch the show semi-ironically. I think our main motivation was that the Red Ranger (Jason!) was totally cute. Cute boys aside, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is not what one would call quality children’s programming. No redeeming educational value, awful fight footage imported from Japan, horrible acting. It’s not even funny in a bad way. It’s just bad.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

So of course my boys always want to watch Power Rangers. It would show up on our Netflix menu and I would just scroll on by. Nothing to see here! Let’s watch Martha Speaks! But somehow, some way, probably through a father who is nicer than me, my boys were exposed to the Power Rangers. And they love that stupid show.

Problem is, things have changed since I was a kid. Back in my day (up hill both ways, etc,) there was just one Power Rangers show to endure. But something has happened since the early 90s, and the Power Rangers have exploded into a tangled web of same-but-different-but-not-really awfulness that I cannot even keep straight. How difficult can it be to managed the Power Rangers? Let me break it down for you:

A quick Netflix search for “Power Rangers” returns the following results, all available for your streaming pleasure:

Power Rangers: Megaforce: Raising Spirits

Power Rangers: Megaforce: The Roboknight Before Christmas

Power Rangers: Samurai

Power Rangers: S.P.D. (I promise I’ve never seen this one on Netflix before, yet here it is.)

Power Rangers: Jungle Fury

Power Rangers: Super Samurai (Because “Samurai” just wasn’t enough.)

Power Rangers: Mystic Force

Power Rangers: Dino Thunder

Power Rangers Super Samurai: Stuck on Christmas

Power Rangers: Ninja Storm

Power Rangers: R.P.M.

Power Rangers Samurai SPECIAL EDITION: Clash of the Red Rangers

Power Rangers: Operation Overdrive

Power Rangers: Turbo

Power Rangers Super Samurai: Trickster Treat

Power Rangers: Time Force

Power Rangers: Lightspeed Rescue

Power Rangers Samurai: Party Monsters

Power Rangers Samurai: Christmas Special: Christmas Together, Friends Forever (I can’t make this ish up.)

Mighty Morphin Alien Rangers

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (O.G.)

Power Rangers Wild Force

Power Rangers: Zeo

Power Rangers: Space

(There are probably more but Netflix search kind of sucks.)

If you’re keeping track, that’s 24 different versions of the Power Rangers. DOES THIS SEEM EXCESSIVE TO ANYONE ELSE?

Listen, I am not a television snob. I watch some horrible stuff. I listen to a Saved By the Bell podcast, for goodness sake. But 24 incarnations of the same horrible show seems like overkill. Even SBTB held off after the College Years and the New Class (ok, there was also Hawaiian Style and Wedding is Las Vegas). There aren’t 24 different incarnations of Screech and Mr. Belding. FOR GOOD REASON.

Mark Paul Gosselaar

Zack Morris: Hotter than the Red Power Ranger

When I do give in to the Power Ranger pleas, I just pick the first terrible thing Netflix brings me and hit play. But then later my kids want to watch the same one they watched before. I don’t know what it’s called. They don’t know what it’s called. “I want the one with Jaden the Red Ranger.” That doesn’t help, because I am sure enough not staying in the room for that dreck.

Seriously, people. The sheer volume of Power Ranger-related programming is unholy. Community was just canceled, Freaks and Geeks only had one season, but there are TWENTY FOUR VERSIONS OF THE POWER RANGERS.

Who do I need to speak to about this?