There are a million things I should be doing. About five totally different blog posts I should be writing. But I can’t do it right now. My heart just isn’t in it. I’m down.
The things that are going on in my life are hard, and they’re stressful – but no harder or more stressful than the things you probably deal with in your life. Heck, my problems seem pretty small compared to the things that some of you might be struggling with. I know this, and usually counting my blessings is what it takes for me to overcome any sadness that creeps into my heart. The perfect storm of life circumstances, sleeplessness, and hormones have collided, keeping me sad despite all the reasons I have to be happy.
Part of my “downness” comes from where I am emotionally. I am working on forgiveness, and letting go of some past hurts. It isn’t easy, but it’s very necessary for the well-being of my soul. That means revisiting a lot of emotions from the past, ones I didn’t want to feel at the time, so I shoved them way down deep inside. And now they are on the surface, and they hurt. But there’s also a freedom that comes when you let go of people and situations that hurt you, and you no longer allow those things to have any power in your life. It’s painful, but it’s a joyful pain.
Last night I attended a program at our church about hope. One thing that was mentioned was the belief that we can do it all on our own. We can’t. We have to get through life with God’s help (for those of us who believe) and the help of others. I’m thankful that this is one of the lessons I’ve learned in my life. I reached out to my Bible study group today, and they prayed for me. I reached out to some friends, and I didn’t have to explain myself at all. I just had to let them know that right now is hard, and they gave their support. I can’t even say how thankful I am for that. Right now, I want to be alone – I need to cry, and think, and process. But I don’t have to be alone. That’s an incredible blessing.
There’s no greater purpose to this post; no big message I am trying to send. It’s just a communication of where I am at the moment. If you’re here with me, know that you aren’t alone. It happens to all of us, and it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It just means you’re real.
If you’re working on forgiving others, I can’t say enough good things about the book Choosing Forgiveness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss (affiliate link).