Saturday night was fantastic. Because my husband is loving, patient, and an infinitely better person than I am, he agreed to take me to see a midnight showing of Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan. Yes, I am that nerd. (And he should be nominated for husband of the year.) We watched the movie, admired the Klingon costumes of some of our fellow movie-goers, and had an altogether great time. We came home tired but happy, and quickly went to sleep.
We were awakened at 6:30 a.m. by a banging on our door. It was our neighbor, letting us know that someone had broken into our car. (And his car. And another neighbor’s car.) We went outside and found that my driver’s side window had been smashed. The trunk was open, and the car was messier than usual, because whoever had broken in pulled everything out of the glove compartment and console.
Quick note to potential thieves – unless you’re really into empty sippy cups, picture books, or wrinkled up napkins,
you will not find anything of value in my car.
So, nothing was missing because there was nothing worth taking. However, I am now dealing with a smashed window that can’t be fixed until the end of the week (according to Safelite and my insurance company). After talking to police and working to clean up the shards of glass, I headed inside and opened my laptop – where I found over 200 notifications from my security program letting me know someone was trying to hack into this website. Follow that up with a news story about the vandalism of several local restaurants, and I was just done. DONE.
Seriously, can’t people just leave other people’s things alone?
And it seemed like the blows just kept coming. Not one but two local missing people whose vehicles were found at the bottom of bodies of water. A four-year-old girl taken to the hospital after being shot. Another blogger who is also a teacher sharing that her school was vandalized. A friend discovering someone on his property who was high and carrying a gun. And all the other awful things that happen every day that don’t make the news.
Sometimes this world is just too much for me.
I don’t have a personal connection to any of these stories, but they all make me want to cry.
I’ve written before about how becoming a parent has changed how I view tragedy, but the feeling I have today is deeper than just a fear of losing my children. I don’t want to send them out into a world like this. This isn’t the world I want them to grow up in, where people shoot children and vandalize schools, where people’s 18-year-old daughters are found at the bottom of a reservoir. Where there’s so much hurt and pain that happens for no good reason. I sometimes wonder if I did my children a disservice by bringing them into a world like this. If I can hardly handle the pain sometimes, how can I explain it to them?
I know that we’ll always have trials and trouble in this world;
Jesus promised us as much. And I know I can’t shelter my children from the evil of this world forever. I also know that this world and the people in it have the capacity to do good, wonderful, amazing things for others. I’ve seen it in my own life time and time again. I know all of these things in my head, but tonight I don’t feel them in my heart.
Tonight my heart is sad. Tonight I cry. And I ask God, why?